Blue Lip Confessions

Yesterday, my sweet Grace came into the kitchen ready for supper. As she walked by, I noticed something a little different about her. As she came closer, I noticed her entire lips, teeth, and most of her chin were completely blue. We're not talking she just ate a ring pop blue. More of a she's been sucking on a sharpie all day kind of blue. Of course, my first question was, "Grace, what did you put in your mouth?" She wasn't in trouble, I was just concerned with the nature of the source of the blueness. My youngest has quite the oral fixation. Grace quickly piped up, "Nothing. I didn't have nothing in my mouth!" Here is where the most difficult part of mothering comes. You might think it's changing diapers, nursing continually, or existing on about three hours of sleep a night. Nope. The hardest part of being a mother is the fine line between knowing you need to discipline your children while at the same time trying your hardest not to crack up at their inconceivable cuteness. Trying my hardest to hold in my laughter, I said, "Grace, I know you are lying and it is important for Mommy to know what you put in your mouth." Again through her navy blue stained lips, she pleaded her innocence. Luckily, my husband was there to save me. As I ducked out among bubbling laughter with my oldest who had witnessed the entire hilarious episode, Mark took Grace into the bathroom to look in the mirror. After she realized she had no other course of action left, she admitted to getting a little too friendly with a dry erase marker.

Later that night, my husband and I were laughing about the incident. Sweet Grace there proclaiming to the world nothing had touched her lips while everyone knew she was lying through her little blue teeth. She was completely unaware the consequence of her actions were literally written all over her face. There I was just laughing at how silly the whole scene was. Right about then, God started nudging me and leading me to a memory of I time I was just as silly. I hate it when He does that! Can't I just laugh at my kid without it getting all spiritual and convicting up in here? Obviously not.

I was reminded of a time a while back when I listened to a sermon about placing things before God and holding on to parts of one's life. I remember actually saying to my husband, "I know I am a sinner saved by grace and I know I'm not perfect, but I just can't think of something that is holding me back or that I am really struggling with that I need to turn over to God." Those words just make me shake my head and wonder if my Heavenly Father was also walking that fine line between discipline and just wanting to crack up at me. You see at that time I weighed 250 lbs and wore a size 20W. But I didn't have any issues. Who me? I'm fine. Doesn't everyone hide cookies under a napkin so no one sees how many she eats? Walking into a room and scanning to make sure you are not the fattest person there is perfectly normal right? Having a closet full of clothes I can't wear because they won't stretch enough or fasten just goes along with getting older. At least that's what I told myself for years. If I don't think about it, it will go away. Only I did think about it all the time. Every minute. Every bite. Every pound. But gosh, what in the world in my life should I turn over to God? I just can't think of anything. I can just picture Him up there. Chuckling at me. "No I'm fine. I've got everything under control. I don't need your help with anything." My lips may not of been covered with blue marker, but I'm sure there were a few cookies crumbs clinging on.

Since then, I've lost some weight and come down a few sizes. I've come a long way, and I have a long way to go. Practically speaking, I'm learning how to eat healthy and move more. It's pretty simple. But the true lessons I'm learning go much deeper than my waistline. His knowing smile has penetrated my soul and the innermost part of who I am. Or at least who I though I was. I'm a mess. I filled my spirit and my body with what I wanted with no thought to the consequences. He is teaching me to look at everything I allow enter my world whether it be my body, mind, or soul. I am learning to be intentional about my choices. It's a long road, but one I now know I need to walk. I'm so thankful I found freedom through letting my Daddy lead me to the mirror and lovingly point out my blue lips.